You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
...so i touched it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
