Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
