the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
