where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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