your thong is hanging out like whoa
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
