you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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