U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
