girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
