I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
