I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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