whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
