oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
