But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
