Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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