a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my liver is dry heaving
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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