does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
