she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
