Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize