Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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