I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
