I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
