sarcasm needs its own font
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
