i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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