I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
