Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
