meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
