am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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