I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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