Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
