Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
