I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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