I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish i was in the wii world.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
