I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
