am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
