Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
