We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
