I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
