i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
