So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
