Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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