kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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