What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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