I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize