I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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