Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
