the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
