I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
