i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
