bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
