arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
