I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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