She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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