It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
