Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
