dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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