Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
