I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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