She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
