I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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