i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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