haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
