The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
