Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
