The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
