Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
