Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
