he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
