I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
