I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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