why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
